Here is the link of my story in Tiny Happy Journal
/http://tinyhappyjournal.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/whatever-happened-to-lord-of-lords-by-anand-prakash/
or read here a slightly modified version of this story published in Tiny Happy Journal
Whatever Happened To Lord of Lords?
By Anand Prakash
Behold, I am doing a new thing…
Once upon a time, God disappeared from the Abon land. And, God didn’t disappear because of His fault but by the fault of His carefully crafted creation.
Nobody knows for sure what had happened but some rumors floated in the sky of possibilities.
1. Cottony cloud rumored God became just tired of public demands.
2. Charcoal cloud rumored God just got a rich offer to be God in some alternate universe.
3. Orange cloud rumored God was just bored handling His creation so He sold the entire universe to some biochemist for its basic constituents of life, such as carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen and oxygen from the periodic table to create something new.
4. Gray cloud rumored God was intoxicated by excessively saccharine prayers and died of diabetes.
5. Clear sky rumored God died of a long standing complication of tuberculosis which He had contracted from an infectious poem from an ailing poet in the remote past.
But when these rumors were scientifically tested, none of them supported the evidence of the loss of God. Around the same time, Punk and Junk, two young Rumorologists proposed a new rumor-Cliché rumor. All older Rumorologists laughed at them but these two scientists took inspiration from the cheese of stubbornness, available at leading stores. Deep in their hearts, they knew it was a big idea because it excited and terrified them at the same time. Also, they stopped running after girls when they were enamored by this idea. So, against all odds, they actively pursued the Cliché rumor.
This appeared the most convincing rumor. As per this rumor any word which became a cliché will disappear, first from dictionaries and then from Abon land. This rumor had been supported by the fact that dictionaries missed the words such as “THANK YOU” and “SORRY.” People suffered in describing their feelings because of the absence of these words. After disappearing from dictionaries, these words hung the air for a couple of hours and then evaporated in sunny afternoon.
Weightlifting word-controllers and world class word-condensers worked together to pull these words back into dictionaries but their efforts didn’t pay off. The words suffered morality erosion as E looked like F and O looked like C from their repeated use. So, once these words reached the clouds, these words cursed the population for their repeated use. Their curses were harsh and ambiguous because of their eroded morality. The affected population showed the symptoms of moral erosion. Further support for the Cliché rumor came from loss of more words in a similar manner. Next to disappear were the words such as GREAT JOB, LIMITED TIME, I SWEAR, REALLY, and this bidirectional doublet, YOU DID ! and DID YOU? With every passing moment, the dictionaries suffered painful attacks as some evil power stripped their words from them without permission. These dictionaries complained to their money-eating publishers.
Another support for the Cliché rumor came from the earlier works of Certified Cliché predictors. In the past, the Cliché predictors made this demonic prophecy that God is soon going to disappear. The basis of their prophecy was inconsistent and meaningless word usage. Not many people were able to digest this predicted custard. The God-people suffered severe indigestion. So, in night they walked from their homes to nearby religious establishments as they protested against the Cliché predictors while the walk worked on their stomachs. The impact of prophecy was seen everywhere in the Abon land. Everything was sold with God’s name: God’s warm patties, God’s freaky subs, God’s raunchy salad, God’s flavored rice, God’s own pizza, and God’s roasted coffee and you name it. This meaningless use of God in everything in way hastened His disappearance rather than helping Him.
Soon after that everyone became busy with other things. Other things were too time-consuming. They were busy eating, drinking, relaxing and reading various versions of same thick book with brownish cover. They had no time to think seriously about this prophecy. So after some days, nobody cared about the prophecy and it’s almost safe to say nobody cared about God. One must think if God knew about all this, which as per general convention He should, He must be really pissed off with His creation.
At last the dictionary publishers had to do something about this problem of word loss though it has nothing to do with the pain of suffering dictionaries. They were getting constant complains about missing words in the dictionaries. They were losing a lot of money in this manner, so they put all their money towards controlling the situation.
Junk and Punk toiled day and night to gather the evidence for the Cliché rumor. During the same time, their fellow scientists gifted them sweet coated verbal abuse candies. They graciously accepted those and they gulped all of them with the sour water at Delphi Bar on Friday night. The next day, they awoke in the morning and ate their toast once again with cheese of stubbornness. Their stubbornness left the fellow scientists stunned. They worked and worked but nothing worked. So, they decided to look in to the past carefully. Sitting at a coffee shop, they went over the newspapers and magazines around the time of God loss.
Days flew by and months passed when they found this.
The prophecy of God loss found itself on the front page of Abon land newspapers. Everyone gossiped about God in coffee shops. The first group said nothing would happen to God. Why? Because, He is God. The second group replied what if God had planned His disappearance. The first group questioned, but why would He do that? Nobody knows what God has in His mind. To figure out the answer they drank so much coffee that they didn’t sleep for nights and cursed Orexins, the excitatory neuropeptide which didn’t let them sleep.
Sleeplessly, they kept reading.
Everyone tried in their own special ways to save God. The biggest religious leaders of Abon land gave sermons and gospels which spread like an infectious disease outbreak all over Abon land. It only made population God-sick. The dictionary publishers used the specially derived “stickiest” glue ink to write the holy name on the paper. The green leaves and Ozone bomb environmentalists stopped all of their work for a while as they joined hands with word-condensers. To control word loss, they tried so many compounds from the lethal sulfuric acid to skin-cooling acetone and everything in between. Nothing worked. The English department invented one synonym after another to save God but it didn’t work either. The zoologist had already put the word “God” to the category of extremely endangered species. That was their way to save God. In contrast, Abon land psychologists didn’t believe a single word of this prophecy. They criticized the public for their unnerving and baseless fear of God-loss which they thought isn’t going to happen anytime soon. In their recent conference, they agreed to name such affected individuals as psycho-god hypochondriacs. The PAAL (Psychologists Association of Abon Land) chairmen sent a letter to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) publisher to include psycho-god hypochondriacs in the next edition of DSM.
Steadfast, Punk and Junk kept on analyzing.
And the inevitable happened on the day which was famously known as DOOM’S DAY. The God disappeared as if He didn’t even exist. No amount of flyer and announcements could prevent Holy disappearance.
How did He disappear? Who was responsible? It’s very tragic to note that the blame fell on the girl who wore her hair curly. This girl suffered from the delusion of Prince Charming, P.C. for short. She had this thought that she would meet him in the coffee shop one day and that’s why every day, rain or shine, she visited the coffee shop. She even wrote on coffee shop restroom walls, “Today, I’m going to meet my P.C.” The rest room visitors drew thumbs up below this sentence. This girl was allergic to all newspapers and practically color blind to every possible colored flyer. Her sole friend, who also had the curly hairs, didn’t tell her about the prophecy of God disappearance. As soon as she came to the coffee shop, she smiled, ordered, paid for a dirty chai; all the time lost in cheesy thought of P. C. Lost in thoughts, this poor girl didn’t look behind and spilled the coffee and burnt the heart of a boy who stood behind her in line. As soon as the boy saw her, he fell to his knees. That very moment the inevitable happened when she out of habit, said the phrase she should have avoided. Even though the girl got the boy, she was the target of caffeinated admonition for the loss of God as everyone scolded her with caffeine inflated nostrils.
The silence deepened around this phrase as if she had thrown an atomic bomb over Abon land. It was more than an atomic bomb- a six alphabet bomb- which left people God-less.
“OMYGOD”
Every word in this phrase was deafeningly powerful and God left the place wherever He had resided: from the book, from the conversation, from the religious establishments and even from shopping centers…quite literally from everywhere. Then, God stuck in the air for some time and when Sun rays heated up the surroundings, the public watched the live account of disappearance of God. They told the reporters that God turned into fumes and then disappeared along with two more important words. When asked why He took those two words, they said everyone needed company.
Junk and Punk gave off their vacation until they would figure out a way to support the Cliché rumor. To support it they need to show real-time disappearance of words from dictionaries. For years, they tried all the available techniques but none worked. The fellow scientists organized slacker-potluck but Junk and Punk didn’t have time for that.
Unsuccessful in their attempts, they kept working and kept analyzing the documents.
Just like the word God, every lost word had their unheard story. The impact of their loss was profound too if not as great as the loss of God.
The small story of O:
The next morning, a kindergarten teacher had a hard time convincing her students that what they were holding in their hands were BOOKS. Because the twin OOs had long left their place. She didn’t know what to do. Her memory of these words was gone too. The kids became so confused because none of their favorite words made any sense for example oranges, oat meal, cookies etc. After the long day, the teacher had to visit her psychiatrist. The school officials shut down the school to discuss this grave problem. The parents suffered a similar fate the very next day when the kids stayed at their homes and asked a million questions.
The short story of MY:
This loss not only affected kids only but also adults, oldies and even the graveyard people.
“My” was missing from everywhere. The greeting cards companies were the primary sufferer. These companies almost went bankrupt as they lost their most used word. They didn’t take any special precautions against the loss of “MY” because this loss wasn’t predicted by cliché predictors. The directors and workers of these greeting card companies weren’t happy with God when they heard that God took this word just for the sake of His company. In their opinions, God was cunning and simply took advantage of the situation. Within two days after this loss, the social structure was altered beyond repair. Girls instantly dumped their boyfriends of years, mothers abandoned their kids, and husbands demanded a soul-less divorce – all because “MY” was missing from their cards where this word affectionately used to be. To ward off these problems, the companies effusively used the word “DEAR”, only to lose this word in the process. The affected population attacked the shops and the offices of greeting card companies and that was the last time people heard about the greeting card companies.
Last but not the least, what about God.
What happened after God loss? Punk and Junk read over and over this piece to understand the mechanics and aftereffects of God loss.
The story of God:
Inevitably, Abon land lost the word- God. One might think God, if He had known all this, came to this absurd realization of what His creation was capable of. No creator would suffer from such a realization in near futures to come especially not by the hand of its creation. People searched for God in books and without this word all the working of religious establishments throughout Abon land had gone irrevocably wrong. Their books didn’t make any sense. The God people suffered from retrograde amnesia, where they lost all their past memories. Most importantly they felt empty, empty like china bowls in which they mindlessly ate their oat meal. Even though they gathered next to some tall buildings on Sundays but they had no idea what they came here in the first place. May be it was nothing more than a habit like taking a shower, they wondered. They attended all the meetings and readings without knowing what the meetings and readings were all about. The non-believers were confused too as they didn’t understand why they didn’t hang out with the people who stood outside the big and tall buildings. In sum, the entire population of Abon land had gone crazy and empty.
A couple of decades later, at last Punk and Junk, now forty years old Rumorologists, had gathered sufficient evidence to prove “Cliché rumor” as “Cliché theory.” They were the proud recipients of coveted Morrison Prize in the field of Rumorology. After the award ceremony, the reporters asked about how they got this groundbreaking idea. “Coming up with the idea of cliché rumor wasn’t hard but the execution was. We actually waited for the technology to catch up with our imagination. This wait was boring and painful. Now we have techniques to visualize the loss of words in real time.” They renamed this theory as Cliché theory of God loss, as they lost all the most important three Fs: friends, family, and fraternity as they pursued this rumor whole-heartedly. They telecasted their research in between some reality TV show. In these telecast, they showed the loss of disappearance of a new word. The unfortunate word this time was “HOLY SHIT.”
When people watched this on TV, it led to loss of another word “AWESOME.”
After that day, this documented evidence was never again aired in the fear of loss of many words but as they say technology is a double-edge sword, some people made a pirated copy of that show and now sell it on a website with user ratings.
… now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
(Quotation adapted from - Isa. 43: 19.)
Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
/http://tinyhappyjournal.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/whatever-happened-to-lord-of-lords-by-anand-prakash/
or read here a slightly modified version of this story published in Tiny Happy Journal
Whatever Happened To Lord of Lords?
By Anand Prakash
Behold, I am doing a new thing…
Once upon a time, God disappeared from the Abon land. And, God didn’t disappear because of His fault but by the fault of His carefully crafted creation.
Nobody knows for sure what had happened but some rumors floated in the sky of possibilities.
1. Cottony cloud rumored God became just tired of public demands.
2. Charcoal cloud rumored God just got a rich offer to be God in some alternate universe.
3. Orange cloud rumored God was just bored handling His creation so He sold the entire universe to some biochemist for its basic constituents of life, such as carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen and oxygen from the periodic table to create something new.
4. Gray cloud rumored God was intoxicated by excessively saccharine prayers and died of diabetes.
5. Clear sky rumored God died of a long standing complication of tuberculosis which He had contracted from an infectious poem from an ailing poet in the remote past.
But when these rumors were scientifically tested, none of them supported the evidence of the loss of God. Around the same time, Punk and Junk, two young Rumorologists proposed a new rumor-Cliché rumor. All older Rumorologists laughed at them but these two scientists took inspiration from the cheese of stubbornness, available at leading stores. Deep in their hearts, they knew it was a big idea because it excited and terrified them at the same time. Also, they stopped running after girls when they were enamored by this idea. So, against all odds, they actively pursued the Cliché rumor.
This appeared the most convincing rumor. As per this rumor any word which became a cliché will disappear, first from dictionaries and then from Abon land. This rumor had been supported by the fact that dictionaries missed the words such as “THANK YOU” and “SORRY.” People suffered in describing their feelings because of the absence of these words. After disappearing from dictionaries, these words hung the air for a couple of hours and then evaporated in sunny afternoon.
Weightlifting word-controllers and world class word-condensers worked together to pull these words back into dictionaries but their efforts didn’t pay off. The words suffered morality erosion as E looked like F and O looked like C from their repeated use. So, once these words reached the clouds, these words cursed the population for their repeated use. Their curses were harsh and ambiguous because of their eroded morality. The affected population showed the symptoms of moral erosion. Further support for the Cliché rumor came from loss of more words in a similar manner. Next to disappear were the words such as GREAT JOB, LIMITED TIME, I SWEAR, REALLY, and this bidirectional doublet, YOU DID ! and DID YOU? With every passing moment, the dictionaries suffered painful attacks as some evil power stripped their words from them without permission. These dictionaries complained to their money-eating publishers.
Another support for the Cliché rumor came from the earlier works of Certified Cliché predictors. In the past, the Cliché predictors made this demonic prophecy that God is soon going to disappear. The basis of their prophecy was inconsistent and meaningless word usage. Not many people were able to digest this predicted custard. The God-people suffered severe indigestion. So, in night they walked from their homes to nearby religious establishments as they protested against the Cliché predictors while the walk worked on their stomachs. The impact of prophecy was seen everywhere in the Abon land. Everything was sold with God’s name: God’s warm patties, God’s freaky subs, God’s raunchy salad, God’s flavored rice, God’s own pizza, and God’s roasted coffee and you name it. This meaningless use of God in everything in way hastened His disappearance rather than helping Him.
Soon after that everyone became busy with other things. Other things were too time-consuming. They were busy eating, drinking, relaxing and reading various versions of same thick book with brownish cover. They had no time to think seriously about this prophecy. So after some days, nobody cared about the prophecy and it’s almost safe to say nobody cared about God. One must think if God knew about all this, which as per general convention He should, He must be really pissed off with His creation.
At last the dictionary publishers had to do something about this problem of word loss though it has nothing to do with the pain of suffering dictionaries. They were getting constant complains about missing words in the dictionaries. They were losing a lot of money in this manner, so they put all their money towards controlling the situation.
Junk and Punk toiled day and night to gather the evidence for the Cliché rumor. During the same time, their fellow scientists gifted them sweet coated verbal abuse candies. They graciously accepted those and they gulped all of them with the sour water at Delphi Bar on Friday night. The next day, they awoke in the morning and ate their toast once again with cheese of stubbornness. Their stubbornness left the fellow scientists stunned. They worked and worked but nothing worked. So, they decided to look in to the past carefully. Sitting at a coffee shop, they went over the newspapers and magazines around the time of God loss.
Days flew by and months passed when they found this.
The prophecy of God loss found itself on the front page of Abon land newspapers. Everyone gossiped about God in coffee shops. The first group said nothing would happen to God. Why? Because, He is God. The second group replied what if God had planned His disappearance. The first group questioned, but why would He do that? Nobody knows what God has in His mind. To figure out the answer they drank so much coffee that they didn’t sleep for nights and cursed Orexins, the excitatory neuropeptide which didn’t let them sleep.
Sleeplessly, they kept reading.
Everyone tried in their own special ways to save God. The biggest religious leaders of Abon land gave sermons and gospels which spread like an infectious disease outbreak all over Abon land. It only made population God-sick. The dictionary publishers used the specially derived “stickiest” glue ink to write the holy name on the paper. The green leaves and Ozone bomb environmentalists stopped all of their work for a while as they joined hands with word-condensers. To control word loss, they tried so many compounds from the lethal sulfuric acid to skin-cooling acetone and everything in between. Nothing worked. The English department invented one synonym after another to save God but it didn’t work either. The zoologist had already put the word “God” to the category of extremely endangered species. That was their way to save God. In contrast, Abon land psychologists didn’t believe a single word of this prophecy. They criticized the public for their unnerving and baseless fear of God-loss which they thought isn’t going to happen anytime soon. In their recent conference, they agreed to name such affected individuals as psycho-god hypochondriacs. The PAAL (Psychologists Association of Abon Land) chairmen sent a letter to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) publisher to include psycho-god hypochondriacs in the next edition of DSM.
Steadfast, Punk and Junk kept on analyzing.
And the inevitable happened on the day which was famously known as DOOM’S DAY. The God disappeared as if He didn’t even exist. No amount of flyer and announcements could prevent Holy disappearance.
How did He disappear? Who was responsible? It’s very tragic to note that the blame fell on the girl who wore her hair curly. This girl suffered from the delusion of Prince Charming, P.C. for short. She had this thought that she would meet him in the coffee shop one day and that’s why every day, rain or shine, she visited the coffee shop. She even wrote on coffee shop restroom walls, “Today, I’m going to meet my P.C.” The rest room visitors drew thumbs up below this sentence. This girl was allergic to all newspapers and practically color blind to every possible colored flyer. Her sole friend, who also had the curly hairs, didn’t tell her about the prophecy of God disappearance. As soon as she came to the coffee shop, she smiled, ordered, paid for a dirty chai; all the time lost in cheesy thought of P. C. Lost in thoughts, this poor girl didn’t look behind and spilled the coffee and burnt the heart of a boy who stood behind her in line. As soon as the boy saw her, he fell to his knees. That very moment the inevitable happened when she out of habit, said the phrase she should have avoided. Even though the girl got the boy, she was the target of caffeinated admonition for the loss of God as everyone scolded her with caffeine inflated nostrils.
The silence deepened around this phrase as if she had thrown an atomic bomb over Abon land. It was more than an atomic bomb- a six alphabet bomb- which left people God-less.
“OMYGOD”
Every word in this phrase was deafeningly powerful and God left the place wherever He had resided: from the book, from the conversation, from the religious establishments and even from shopping centers…quite literally from everywhere. Then, God stuck in the air for some time and when Sun rays heated up the surroundings, the public watched the live account of disappearance of God. They told the reporters that God turned into fumes and then disappeared along with two more important words. When asked why He took those two words, they said everyone needed company.
Junk and Punk gave off their vacation until they would figure out a way to support the Cliché rumor. To support it they need to show real-time disappearance of words from dictionaries. For years, they tried all the available techniques but none worked. The fellow scientists organized slacker-potluck but Junk and Punk didn’t have time for that.
Unsuccessful in their attempts, they kept working and kept analyzing the documents.
Just like the word God, every lost word had their unheard story. The impact of their loss was profound too if not as great as the loss of God.
The small story of O:
The next morning, a kindergarten teacher had a hard time convincing her students that what they were holding in their hands were BOOKS. Because the twin OOs had long left their place. She didn’t know what to do. Her memory of these words was gone too. The kids became so confused because none of their favorite words made any sense for example oranges, oat meal, cookies etc. After the long day, the teacher had to visit her psychiatrist. The school officials shut down the school to discuss this grave problem. The parents suffered a similar fate the very next day when the kids stayed at their homes and asked a million questions.
The short story of MY:
This loss not only affected kids only but also adults, oldies and even the graveyard people.
“My” was missing from everywhere. The greeting cards companies were the primary sufferer. These companies almost went bankrupt as they lost their most used word. They didn’t take any special precautions against the loss of “MY” because this loss wasn’t predicted by cliché predictors. The directors and workers of these greeting card companies weren’t happy with God when they heard that God took this word just for the sake of His company. In their opinions, God was cunning and simply took advantage of the situation. Within two days after this loss, the social structure was altered beyond repair. Girls instantly dumped their boyfriends of years, mothers abandoned their kids, and husbands demanded a soul-less divorce – all because “MY” was missing from their cards where this word affectionately used to be. To ward off these problems, the companies effusively used the word “DEAR”, only to lose this word in the process. The affected population attacked the shops and the offices of greeting card companies and that was the last time people heard about the greeting card companies.
Last but not the least, what about God.
What happened after God loss? Punk and Junk read over and over this piece to understand the mechanics and aftereffects of God loss.
The story of God:
Inevitably, Abon land lost the word- God. One might think God, if He had known all this, came to this absurd realization of what His creation was capable of. No creator would suffer from such a realization in near futures to come especially not by the hand of its creation. People searched for God in books and without this word all the working of religious establishments throughout Abon land had gone irrevocably wrong. Their books didn’t make any sense. The God people suffered from retrograde amnesia, where they lost all their past memories. Most importantly they felt empty, empty like china bowls in which they mindlessly ate their oat meal. Even though they gathered next to some tall buildings on Sundays but they had no idea what they came here in the first place. May be it was nothing more than a habit like taking a shower, they wondered. They attended all the meetings and readings without knowing what the meetings and readings were all about. The non-believers were confused too as they didn’t understand why they didn’t hang out with the people who stood outside the big and tall buildings. In sum, the entire population of Abon land had gone crazy and empty.
A couple of decades later, at last Punk and Junk, now forty years old Rumorologists, had gathered sufficient evidence to prove “Cliché rumor” as “Cliché theory.” They were the proud recipients of coveted Morrison Prize in the field of Rumorology. After the award ceremony, the reporters asked about how they got this groundbreaking idea. “Coming up with the idea of cliché rumor wasn’t hard but the execution was. We actually waited for the technology to catch up with our imagination. This wait was boring and painful. Now we have techniques to visualize the loss of words in real time.” They renamed this theory as Cliché theory of God loss, as they lost all the most important three Fs: friends, family, and fraternity as they pursued this rumor whole-heartedly. They telecasted their research in between some reality TV show. In these telecast, they showed the loss of disappearance of a new word. The unfortunate word this time was “HOLY SHIT.”
When people watched this on TV, it led to loss of another word “AWESOME.”
After that day, this documented evidence was never again aired in the fear of loss of many words but as they say technology is a double-edge sword, some people made a pirated copy of that show and now sell it on a website with user ratings.
… now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
(Quotation adapted from - Isa. 43: 19.)
Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
